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What are you really trying to tell me.
Tuesday, 29 October 2013 // 9:48:00 am I had two dreams last night, I woke up from one at 6.20am, then I went back to sleep again around at 7.30, and woke up from my second dream at 8.44am. In that short amount of time for my second dream to occur, it sure was, scary. In my first dream, I dreamt my dad died...I don't remember much from it, because my mind was thinking about something else when I woke up. In my second dream, I dreamt my mum died. It was the most heart wrenching dream I have ever had. It felt so real. In the dream it was because my brother had been mucking around the train station and he almost fell off while the train was coming and my mum went to grab him and she got hit instead. I was home at the time, but that scene also played in my mind, and I learnt of what happened over the phone. Even my home became a dull, yellow colour. I didn't cry a lot. In fact I didn't cry at all. Everyone around me was crying non stop and I stood there brooding and regretting everything I had or not had done, recipes I haven't learnt from my mum, making her angry when I wanted to play soccer in primary school and taking her for granted. All these things that are true in real life. I watched my brother cry helplessly and blaming himself and all I could do was give him a hug, something I don't even do in real life. My sister was angry at what happened and my dad locked himself in his room. My family friends came over, all crying more than I did. Then I woke up. Then I cried. Like all the tears I couldn't cry out in the dream I cried out. The amount of relief I felt when I woke up, to know it was all a dream, and my mum was still alive and in the house. It sounds cliche and like a movie "I woke up and realised it was all a dream", but these are one of those times I'm really glad it happened this way. The things I was regretting about in the dream I started to think about and I started crying even more because it was so true. When I got up to go to the bathroom, I heard my mum and dad's voice outside, then I started crying again at the thought of what if I really wasn't able to hear their voices ever again. Imagine not being able to hear the voices of everyone dear to me. I don't know why I've been getting these dreams/nightmares lately, they say dreams and nightmares are a way of your brain dealing with and trying to sort out problems for you. I don't know what it's trying to work out for me, because I can't really relate things going on right now to people dying. Maybe dreams are just dreams, but damn this one, hit me hard. I guess I can interpret it as I should appreciate the people around me more and not take them for granted, but lately personally I have been doing that, well trying to, well at least I think I am....am I? So I really don't know what these dreams are a reflection of. Being helpless maybe. I shouldn't take it too seriously, but it was just so confronting. I'm scared to sleep tonight. Today is not a good day, the weather sucks. The electricity got cut off because a tree fell down...perks of living in a jungle! Now I'm paranoid more trees will fall down and something worse would happen. Well at least I still have phone internet haha, in the midst of all this craziness, phone internet is the most important :P ... HOME ALONE I'M SCARED GODDAMIT. Nope nvm wind has died down and MUMMYYYYYY is home I think it's really true that your morning determine how you will take the rest of the day. I had a pretty bad morning and so I've been pretty meh all afternoon, I was going to finish reading through my bio notes, but I really don't feel like it. |
 So this use to be a joint blog between Denise, Eva and I... BUT IT'S MINE NOW >D tumblr :D follow our blog ? :) |