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Cheese on Toast★
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Wednesday, 5 March 2014 // 9:10:00 pm

I knew...I just have that knack for jinxing things. I said things were looking up and then everything just goes downhill again. I had a good day at uni, spent a nice afternoon with Janmy. Why couldn't it be left at that. After Janmy left at around 4.30pm I didn't really feel like going to watch the movie thing at uni anymore so I decided to go to darling harbour and just sit at the wharf and listen to music because I haven't done that since hsc when I would go to the library and after go down there to chill and clear my head. But no it just has to start raining and lightning and thundering. Rain I didn't care so much, but I'm so absolutely terrified of thunder I flinched so many goddamn times, it got to a point I was so distressed I was about to cry, because I was standing outside and going inside wouldn't have made a difference so I just had to stand there and wait and watch. When the rain died down, it was still thundering so I decided to walk to the shopping centre where hardrock is and wait until there is completely no thunder left because I refuse to walk in thunder and lightning. Then when that stopped I still didn't really feel like going home and so I walked around for a while, like an hour and a bit. I wanted to write something on the hearts again but I realised they have been covered with something else, "darling quarter" or something. All gone. Then after walking I was tired so I sat in the area where the massive heart that hangs and lights up was and just listened to my ipod. Then...the most disturbing thing happened. I was approached by a guy. He was like middle aged and I don't know what race he was, probably indian or something. He walked up to me and sat next to me and said he saw me from afar and thought I looked cute and asked for my name. At this point, a normal person would just get up and walk away, but for some reason I didn't do that, I don't know if I was too scared that if I moved he'd do something, my feet just wouldn't go. Even worse, I replied to him telling him I didn't want to tell him my name and he tells me it's okay just relax, and asks me for my name again, like wtf. I told him a second time I wasn't going to tell him my name. The way he looked at me and how he talked was just so fucking disgusting I felt so incredibly uncomfortable I really wished he would leave me alone. He said a few more things to me and finally he said so you don't want to talk? No. You don't want to talk at all? No sorry. Then he left me alone finally. I don't even know why I was being polite and saying sorry and laughing things off. I guess I was too scared to be rude. I did everything I wasn't suppose to do. I'm so pathetic, I can't even stand up for myself or protect myself properly. After that I was pretty shaken so I decided to go home which was around 6.40ish. How can things just change in a span of 2 hours On the way to the station I was just so....upset and rattled it was the slowest and most blank minded walk I've ever had. All I had was that creepy man's face in my head. I just wasn't in a good place. Maybe I was just seeing things, maybe I wasn't but, I'm sorry that I turned my back. I just didn't want to be seen the way I was then, I probably would have blubbered and that's the last thing I want. I really can't do anything right. To top it off my ipod doesn't work anymore and  the trains were delayed. I'm such a wreck.

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